


sweet tooth for you

by carcinizationSuperiority



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Aro Equius, Assume everyone is bi, Character Development, Crushes, Elementary School, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, High School, Hopefully Not Too Out of Character, Humanstuck, I gave Nepeta an arc, I poured my soul into these words, I promise I love them all, I promise they'll talk everything out, I tried not to write out of character, I would give Nepeta the world, I wrote this when I should've been sleeping, Karkat gets nicer hopefully, Karkat is mean, Lightly Beta Read, Meowrails, Middle School, Multi, Nepeta as the main character, Nepeta deserved better, Nepeta is a badass, Nepeta is the best, Sadstuck, unrequited crushes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29722338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carcinizationSuperiority/pseuds/carcinizationSuperiority
Summary: Sometimes you would see him at school, he was usually in time out, head resting in his palm. It made you sad to see him there all alone, his hair looked so soft and you liked his voice. Sometimes he would call you names, but he called everybody names, even the teachers, so you decided not to take it personallyOr: Nepeta gets a humanstuck arc
Relationships: Background relationships - Relationship, Dave Stider/Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon & Equius Zahhak, Nepeta Leijon & Jade Harley, Nepeta Leijon & Terezi Pyrope, Nepeta Leijon/Karkat Vantas (unrequited)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I stole the title from Cavetown. My Cavetown phase hit hard last year so it was the first thing that came to mind -- might change. Enjoy!

He was one of those people who was always sort of there, in the house directly across the street. The house was painted grey, conspicuous amongst the pastel hues of the other houses on the waterfront, and the curtains were always drawn.

Before you learned how to write, you roleplayed as you played hopscotch with Terezi on the sidewalk. You would build intricate stories, conquer great evil, and be home in time for dinner. Summer stretched long and there were adventures to be had, you wore a pair of cat ears and she pretended to battle monsters (other than dragons) with a rubber mallet. Sometime around then Equius joined the picture, amazing you with shows of strength. You made him wear his own cat ears and Terezi would scratch your bellies and make you pounce on things. Together, the three of you could've definitely ruled the world.

Sometimes you would see him at school, he was usually in time out, head resting in his palm. It made you sad to see him there all alone, his hair looked so soft and you liked his voice. Sometimes he would call you names, but he called everybody names, even the teachers, so you decided not to take it personally. He never played outside.

Equius would walk you home from school, you drew pictures with Terezi, and everything was nice, and everything felt like a warm hug all the time, and things had somehow shifted two steps to the right by the time middle school came around.

In sixth grade you and Terezi kissed at a sleepover, because everything had been so rose-tinted and you needed romance in your life. You cupped her face and she hung her arms kind of limp and you kissed awkwardly in the nest of sleeping bags and pillows, in the glow of the fairy lights that stained your faces pink and blue and purple and green and red. Afterwards she said "ew" so you said "ew", but secretly you liked the feeling and decided to write about it, again and again and again. You drew pictures of the two of you and hid them places, you didn't like her like that but you _wanted_ to. 

The same year, he -- Karkat -- began sitting with you at lunch, and you wedged yourselves together like how Terezi sat with Vriska and you joked about dating him and he grumbled about it but he grumbled about everything, so you didn't take it personally. You liked romance, you liked sappy movies and so did he, so sometimes you sat in the den of your house and you made a pile of blankets on the floor and sometimes he joined you in your nest and yelled about the characters to get their shit together. You started to think about him all the time.

You wrote stories with Terezi and still roleplayed, but not as much, so you made Equius your best friend and you went running with him in the mornings sometimes before school. He was over 6 inches taller than you, but he didn't take up much space and you decided to help him be more confident and assertive, and less pompous, and in return he intimidated the people who teased you about the cat ears you still wore and how you sometimes jumped around a lot when you were really happy and made awful cat puns and spoke like you were still role-playing all the time. 

You stuck to his side and he gave you piggy-back rides and walked you to and from school, and a lot of people joked that you were dating but you decided this couldn't get to you either. You were proud of your thick skin, and your best friend, and how fast you could run thanks to him.

You took up karate. You felt like a badass. You wanted to be a protagonist of a romantic movie, except cooler.

So you decided you'd make your own romance, and told Vriska you shipped her with your old best friend, and she punched you in the face but you figured maybe you helped some. You reminded Aradia to text Sollux when he was home sick from school, and vice versa. You subtly pushed people together, and when that didn't work, you unsubtly pushed people together. You declared yourself the official matchmaker of the seventh grade. 

Sometimes it struck you, mostly late at night, that you had one real goal, and that was your OTP, and that was you and him, but it never felt reachable, and you never felt like he looked twice at you, and it hurt your insides like a gentle squeeze and you didn't know when it began or why him. You held up your fingers in the dark and counted, one plus one, you plus him, and it felt like a glove that fit your hand just right, that didn't cling at the gaps between your fingers, that didn't bunch up or fray, and it was _exciting_. You were so excited and scared and happy, all knotted together in your stomach.

Eighth grade hit like a punch to the gut. You threw yourself into shipping and amino roleplay and internet friends who were in the _Warriors_ fandom. You made fursonas and charts and rambled to Equius and you let it embrace you until your life became something resembling a hug again, except this time it was Equius's arms around you. 

Mid year, Karkat disappeared, and when he got back he was angrier and sadder and you couldn't get through to him, and it broke your heart but your thick skin wouldn't let it show. You cried, cried, cried to Equius. You smiled, smiled, smiled to Karkat, and your lunch table. 

Once you rode your bike an hour to Kanaya's house -- a slightly different shade of green from yours, a slightly different neighborhood -- and asked if Karkat was doing okay, and what was wrong. Kanaya was always so polite, but also you could never tell what she was thinking and you weren't sure you liked it, because you wanted to understand his best friend. She handed you a tall, elegant glass of mint lemonade that tasted better than you expected it to, and sat rigid on the edge of her seat and said, "I'm Afraid This Isn't My Information To Disclose" with a very polite apology that left you no room to resent her, and why would you? She was charming, graceful, and also you were jealous because you were pretty sure Karkat thought you were 100% a joke. You would have to be a fool not to take this girl seriously. 

You practiced karate in your room until you got dizzy, drank an entire water bottle, and threw up in the hall bathroom. You decided not to tell anybody it had happened.

The next morning, you and Equius just walked because he could always tell when something was wrong and you felt downright lethargic. The sky was baby grey -- sort of blue doused in warm morning grey because it was still so dark. You watched the sunrise over the ocean, clinging to his side. You didn't feel 100% real, but it felt so nice to stand with your bare feet encrusted to the ankle in sand, a warm arm draped across your back. 

Things did balance out. You eventually accepted the new Karkat and didn't prod. You stopped being quite so sad and you were so proud you didn't let your outward "pawsitivity" falter even once. 

Everyone talked about the following year, even though you were all going to the same place for high school except for Sollux, Aradia, and Terezi who were super smart and got tugged into the private school in the next town over where Kanaya lived.

One night before graduation, Equius told you he didn't like romance like you did, and that he didn't want anything like that for himself. You thought about it, and told him it was completely fine and you were actually very jealous. You thought of the drawing of you and Karkat you secretly made in art class. Karkat's brother said it wasn't okay to draw things like that, the first time you had a real conversation with him. He ducked into the art class from the high school to grab something for his teacher, introduced himself to you very formally, and went on a long rant about betrayal of trust, boundaries, and toxic shipping (or something along those lines), but you nodded off and smiled at him and said "OK! I understand purrfuctly". And he was on his way again. 

You thought about the glove and how it felt more like a gauntlet of thorns these days or something weirdly symbolic like that, and how sometimes when Karkat yelled at you you can't help but take it personally and you cried into your pillow and reminded yourself he was having a hard time because everyone was going through something and he didn't have to tell you about it, he didn't owe you anything and you were lucky just to be his friend -- and so forth. You hugged Equius and watched anime on his computer. 

Ninth grade rolled around and your older sister took you shopping for a new backpack and other assorted essentials. The fun backpacks were too small for this year, so you settled on a plain olive rolling backpack and resolved to order some pins and iron-ons to decorate it with. You spent the last day of summer eating ice cream with your dwindling friend group -- namely: just Equius -- and looking at the ocean again. You had expected it to feel new and exciting, but mostly you felt the same as ever, because what was really changing here anyway?

In ninth grade, you had no classes with him, and it was almost a relief. He sat on the other side of the table, hunched over his phone with an angry expression that sometimes softened into something you felt like you shouldn't be watching. Your stomach clenched because even though you knew he would never love you, seeing him look so vulnerable was something else entirely, and you would almost be bitter if you weren't so excited for him.

You ran ahead of Equius one day on the walk home from school, a route you took together with Karkat now that he had somehow convinced his parents he didn't need to be driven everywhere. You sidled up next to him and pounced, never one to withhold affection from your friends. Or Karkat, whatever he was. 

"Karrrrkitttyy" you said, drawing out the word to get his attention. He tensed and shoved you away, muttering something rude under his breath. "Who's the lucky person? Pawson?" You tried. Immediately he pulled even further away, flushing a deep red that stained his ears and neck too.

"LEAVE ME ALONE," he said in a tone you knew was casual from long exposure.

"Well whoever they are, I ship it!" You nudged. Your stomach hurt and you clenched your fists as you sweat through your fingerless gloves. Equius slunk up just behind you, hovering just out of arm's length, and you were grateful. 

"OH MY GOD CAN I NOT GET ONE FUCKING SECOND OF PEACE? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? WHY ARE YOU SHIPPING REAL FUCKING PEOPLEM I SWEAR TO GOD, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE BEING SUBJECTED TO _THIS_? PLEASE STAY A RESPECTABLE 20 FEET BEHIND ME JESUS CHRIST I'D RATHER BE STABBED TO DEATH WITH A PLASTIC CAFETERIA SPORK," He yelled, storming off. You had reached your house and you watched him cross the street to his own and slam the door shut with a deafening thud.

"I hope you don't mind my assertion here but I believe that that could've gone much better." Equius paused, sweating in the sticky clutch of summer's last stance. "Are you alright?"

"Mm," you said. "Can we get ice cream?"

Midyear, a set of twins transferred to your school all the way from Texas. The boy spoke with a drawl and the girl spoke exactly like Kanaya except she had a better sense of humor, and they sat at your table with the friends from your old school who still all half-heartedly hung around each other, despite having splintered into factions in other places. Vriska was the only one who gave up and sat somewhere else starting in September, and you hadn't seen her since. 

You watched the boy -- Dave -- and Karkat at lunch. Karkat would yell but you could tell he was a frustrated sort of happy, and Dave gave the slightest smiles and pushed Karkat's buttons. They quarreled like they had lived in a house together for an entire married lifetime, and you felt happy and sad all at once, sitting at the opposite end of the long table next to Equius and across from Tavros and Eridan, who nobody mostly wanted to talk to really. It struck you for the first time that you were probably an outcast in a way that you hadn't realized one could be, and it made you feel almost like you were sinking even though you couldn't put your finger on exactly why. You felt terrible for dragging the other three into the outcast label in your mind.

You watched them -- Eridan complained about how once his father bought back their family business he'd go to a school with real cafeteria food. Tavros wrung his hands and you watched Vriska flirting with him as you left lunch, which made you uncomfortable. You were swept up in the crowd of people, far too short to see where you were really going, and Equius was headed to another class.

You learned that Rose liked cats too, and animals but particularly stranger animals with tentacles and beaks and prophecies of doom. Sometimes you’d hang out in her room after school, an attic room already messy and strewn with half open boxes and yarn that a younger you that you couldn't completely get rid of itched to get tangled in. She liked to ask probing questions and you liked to copy drawings of the weird creatures from her books. It was an odd sort of relationship, but you enjoyed spending time with her every now and again. 

"I bought that one from a yard sale in sixth grade," she said. She showed you her old fanfiction filled with convoluted arcs and words you didn't know, and you resolved to write something together once you found a common fandom. It never happened.

You wasted time. You didn't talk to Karkat anymore. Then you did. Then you didn't again. Freshman year came and went, and before you knew it everyone was paired off again and you were as lonely as ever.

Your late night thoughts turned from Karkat to Rose. You didn't like her, exactly, but she was nice at least. You thought about Terezi, who you hadn't seen in years. You thought about how you had always wanted to be a protagonist in a romance story, not some extra in a painful slowburn you knew was happening right before your eyes. You thought about how you wanted true love, about how it would be disloyal to your younger self to abandon that ideal.

You put on your bathing suit and went out to the ocean alone, but you ended up staying out of the water and watching the sky until something changed. Everything changes, you supposed.

You cleaned out your room in the spring and found drawings of Karkat and you and Terezi and you stashed in different nooks and crannies across the room. You smoothed out the drawings and left them in a stack just under your bed. 

You weren't sure how they made you feel, exactly, maybe a pang of nostalgia, maybe that disconcerting feeling that change was happening too quickly. Either way you ignored it.

In the summer, you took swim lessons in the ocean with Eridan and Equius, summer residents, and some other people from neighboring schools. You didn't really need the practice, you didn't think, but it was still nice to spend time in the water, which was just the right temperature, and to get outside when it was arguably too hot to run (Equius did it anyway).

You spent time rewatching movies and redrawing old drawings and helping your sister pack up to leave for college. She left behind a shell of the place, filled with almost two decades of history, interests, hobbies, and secrets. You wondered what you'd leave behind.

A few weeks before school started again, Rose invited you over and you watched a conspiracy theory documentary at her house. She made witty commentary, and you drew little cat heads on your feet in gel pens and half listened -- the documentary was interesting. You got the feeling she invited you over to tell you something, but by the time you were walking home, you knew nothing new.

Dave's friend Jade transferred in your sophomore year, from someplace far-fetched and unreal sounding. She said she liked your backpack and told you about her _Warriors_ phase and about a brand of toys called Squiddles she thought you might like. She admitted she had never roleplayed and that she actually liked dogs a lot better than cats and she had a huge critter named Beq back home before she moved, and you admitted things in return (about Karkat, about what you thought about late at night, about how you still want to be a cat, actually) until you were closer than you had been with anyone but Equius in years.

It was refreshing to have a second take from a person who wasn't Rose, Rose who was maybe a little too practical for you to understand most of the time. You ended up with two friends again. 

During the summer, you and Jade got a job at an animal shelter.

It was after one of these shifts where you saw them across the street, holding hands, and Dave was actually laughing, and so was Karkat. Against your better judgement, you watched, wide-eyed, as their laughter stilled. They stood there awkwardly, leaning slightly towards each other, and Karkat stepped back a few paces towards his house. Dave said something, but the blood pounding in your ears was too loud to hear what it was. You watched them stand, stock still, eyes locked, until Karkat began to lean in. Finally, you managed to rip your attention away. You walked up the stairs on autopilot. You had been planning to take a shower, but instead you crashed down on your bed as the world crashed down around you, and you couldn't even bring yourself to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was this worse? Did this make you sad? Were you relieved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> figured i should publish most of the rest of what i have so far -- i cant motivate myself to finish writing it rn but maybe someday
> 
> rereading it and i dont rly like it but thats 1am fic writing 4 ya
> 
> without further ado:

Was this worse? Did this make you sad? Were you relieved? You played with the idea of calling Equius, before deciding you couldn't.

You shoved it all aside in favor of falling back into another rereading of your favorite series. You completed the first book in record time thanks to essentially having committed it to memory. You kept going. You decided you were a cat. You decided you didn't belong here. You realized your cheeks were wet. You realized it was 6am and the sky was beginning to lighten. 

Carefully, you pulled the comforter off of your bed, not caring about the books, pillows, and random detritus that came crashing down with it. You arranged all the things on the floor into a kind of nest, and you fell asleep fully clothed.

You ended up going to work, going home, and punching the shit out of your walls. You remembered being ten and wanting a scratching post. You remembered Karkat's face, laughing, and you were so _happy_ for him you could've died. You could've just died. They were the perfect couple.

You were extra nice to everyone, especially Jade when she broke down sobbing in the break room the next day and you petted her hair and murmured soft little noises like the ones you made with the kittens sometimes. You ran and ran and ran until you felt lightheaded and dizzy.

Later, when you dragged yourself back to coherence after several bottles of Gatorade and a long sleep, you realized that that was probably dangerous but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

You texted Equius to ask how he was doing. You texted Jade too. 

By the time school was back in session, you had convinced yourself you were fine, that your skin was so thick that you could just smile until hell froze over. And so you did. At lunch you sat with Equius and Jade and drank a carton of milk and said “hi” to all your friends who you hadn’t ended up seeing during the summer and you swung your legs under the table and Rose looked at you sideways when she thought you weren’t looking and you thought, _she knew_ but you couldn’t bring yourself to drag her into your puddle of grey emotions and irrationality, so you smiled at her too.

By the end of your first day, you were ready to go home and lie down. In your last class, Karkat had sat himself in the back of the classroom, right next to the window, and it made you remember a long, long time ago when he was always in time out and you would watch him because he was maybe some sort of enigma and you felt sad that he was always in time out. Rose sat next to him, and on your way out you saw her talking to him about something, and you sort of wished you were over there, maybe just to defuse the situation because Karkat looked almost angry, real anger.

You gathered up your things and went home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally let yourself cry for something that had never happened, a timeline spliced out of the realm of possibility. You let yourself cry over the ashes of a relationship that would never be possible, not really, because he would never love you.

During the next month, you saw Terezi for the first time in a while. It was weird you didn’t really cross paths, because she did live right nearby, on the next block over. You supposed you never really hung around outside anymore. You went to the beach and pretended you were cats and it was nice, because you hadn’t seen her in a while. You ended up a few miles down the beach, in a little cove past a drainage pipe and some cans and bottles and debris. You talked.

When the sun started to set, you stood awkwardly on the street outside your house, and you glanced across the way. Terezi reminded you to not be a stranger and you reminded her too. Then, before you could really think about it, you leaned forward and kissed her on the corner of her lips, quick and chaste.

She recoiled.

"I'm with Vriska now," she said uncomfortably.

You apologized profusely and told her you were happy for her as shame and embarrassment coiled through your guts like a vice. _You should have at least asked before just going ahead and kissing her. What had gotten into you?_

When you got inside, you smiled for them. You stared up at your ceiling and wondered why you were so completely off balance, why you had any right to drag your friends down with you. You turned on your side and craned your neck to watch the slats of light drip through the blinds.

The days at school blurred together. At some point you started eating lunch in the library with just Equius and Jade, and you were both relieved and disappointed to be separate from your old friends, and to notice everyone finally actually drifting apart. 

Jade fell asleep a lot of the time, resting on her elbows, breathing slowly and peacefully as her long black hair spread out in a halo around her head. She looked sad when she wasn't focused on anything, but you never managed to bring it up in conversation.

It was just barely winter when Karkat came up to you and apologized.

"Listen", he said comparatively quietly, holding back on the way home. It was one of those rare days Equius wasn't there, having left for a dentist appointment earlier. "I'm sorry I'm a jerk to you all the time," he said awkwardly. Your heart squeezed painfully, you smiled, lukewarm.

"It's okay, Karkitty, I didn't even notice!" you lied. 

"I know it's not any excuse," he bulldozed on, "but I was in the hospital for a while in eighth grade, I got . . . really fucking sick and I was really bitter all the time and I guess I just took it out on you because you're so nice all the time and I guess it felt like you liked me or something --"

"I do," you blurted out, regretting the words before they even left your mouth but unable to stop them. You both stood in the middle of the familiar stretch of sidewalk, a palm tree casting a shadow over his face, the clouds overwhelming and the wind hot and oppressive and threatening of a storm. 

"Oh,"

"Oh." You blinked, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to say that ha-ha I guess I'll just be going now --" you didn't move.

"I'm dating Dave," He said, voice tight, "Dave -- uh -- Dave Strider. I. I uh. I'm really sorry Nepeta --" If it were any other time, you would've been proud of yourself for reducing your loudest friend -- ex friend? to awkward dumbstruckery.

"There's nothing wrong! Why are you apologizing!? I'm furry happy for you both! I ship it! You've known each other for a long time now right? He always made you happy. I'm happy that you're happy. _I'm_ sorry. I made things worse," You teared up, but didn't cry in the middle of the sidewalk, because it was all true, and his mouth was a solemn line already, and you didn't want to keep making things worse.

"You don't need to apologise either. I don't understand though -- I've been a complete asshat to you our entire fucking lives. You deserve better anyway,"

You changed the subject away from this -- what you deserved? A catastrophe of epic proportions -- you shouted, "I'm sorry you were sick! That's pawful. Are you better now?"

"Y-yes" Karkat said, clearly experiencing whiplash. 

"Pawesome!" You yelled frantically, faux cheerful. You turned on your heel and started,  
home, and he didn't stop you this time.

You finally let yourself cry for something that had never happened, a timeline spliced out of the realm of possibility. You let yourself cry over the ashes of a relationship that would never be possible, not really, because he would never love you. The rain fell late into the night, and you texted Jade and Equius.

The next day in school you sunk down in your seat and stared at the wall. Jade smiled at you, Jade was always smiling at you, even though you knew she was sad. In class it clicked as she stared at the back of Dave's neck.

You recognized that look. 

At lunch, before Jade could even sit down, before Equius could walk from the social studies classroom at the other end of the hall, you pulled her into a tight hug and, after a moment of surprise, she squeezed back tightly, holding you like a lifeline.

"Do you want to get ice cream after school?" You asked. She nodded into your shoulder. She didn't fall asleep during lunch that day.

You walked, you avoided walking too close to her, you ended up hogging the entire sidewalk. You sar across from her, her freckles stood out in the sun, she pushed her dark hair down across her back.

You sat across from each other, smiled half smiles, and put aside the weird sadness for an afternoon.

When you got home, you slipped the drawings out from underneath your bed and carded through them. They really weren't very good. You came across a drawing of you and Karkat sitting across from each other, in the sun and eating ice cream, and you decided you were going to try to be done holding on. You walked to the bathroom and threw the papers in the solid metal wastebasket, you jogged downstairs, grabbing a lighter before you could think twice.

It was so easy to light your past dreams on fire and start over, it made you feel lighter, somehow, as the flames curled higher and brighter and warmer, and then slowly stuttered out.

You decided the future was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I add another chapter or is this a solid ending? It feels a bit too open-ended for my tastes.


End file.
